Saturday, November 08, 2008

I Miss This

I thought I quit.

I may actually have quit, I'm not going to decide. I just think it's silly to keep writing baby going, when the baby has been replaced by the boy genius T and I live with. Sometimes it hurts to even hear the word baby these days.

Not often, but sometimes. See, we never really made up our minds about more babies. We would flip and flop, go back and forth and ultimately have the universe kick us in our teeth. The universe seems to think that we don't need teeth OR any more babies.

On October 17th I had an endometrial ablation and a tubal ligation. The non-reversible, burn 'em off kind of tubal ligation. My doctor shares the view of the universe in regards to babies and me. She also just wanted me to stop having suckthelifeoutofyou wonder if you need to go to the ER because you may be hemorrhaging periods that I've had for so long. She first suggested the procedure in June and brought it up again September after one of those disgusting, scary ER trips. So we decided to just do it. Okay, universe? WE GOT THE HINT. There are days when I think about never having another tiny person to cuddle and love and get it all the way right with, and there are days when I think about never having another tiny person scream at me for a reason I can't discern at all kinds of ungodly hours. So it goes.

Ultimately, I chose being my best self, my healthiest, strongest self for the two people that make waking up in the morning a great idea. I chose it, and I choose it.

I always will.

9 Comments:

Blogger Nancy said...

Don't have quit!!

3:20 PM  
Blogger Lynne said...

K-
One of the hardest things for me is when I feel that I don't have a choice.
I really feel for you, and for all women who can't/don't have babies easily.
Fortunately for us, you do have a fantastic toddler that we adore. As we do you.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Everyone is jealous that I have the best aunts, now, aren't they?

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Kelly I feel your pain--I had that done 19 yrs ago after all the problems(as you know what they are) you will in TIME know it was the best thing for You. It really was a hard thing to do put I am so glad I had it done. You will not believe how time goes by and he(the Big boy) will be grown and The universe will show its self to you when you least expect it to.... I also had a friend that just had it done and she wishes she had done it yrs ago. Good luck with the teeth part and just think no more worring about the Safe Sex part any time any where well al most any time any where LOL.... Michelle fom Texas

12:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the way Michelle thinks.

1:53 PM  
Blogger selila said...

just thinking of you...

5:31 PM  
Blogger Jason Karas said...

Sending you much much love, Kel.
- Claire

7:43 PM  
Blogger mama said...

Kelly -

It's never too late to start blogging again. I miss reading you. Smart, funny, insightful....

Humour us!!!!!

12:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

9:14 AM  

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